Joan Lachkar is the pioneering author of the groundbreaking, seminal books The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple, How to Talk to a Narcissist, How to Talk to a Borderline, The V-Spot, The Disappearing Male, New Approaches to Marital Therapy, and Common Complaints in Couple Therapy and How to Talk to an Obsessive-Compulsive (2022).
QUESTION 1
Tell us about your pioneering work and early influences? How did the professional community react to your groundbreaking breakthroughs?
ANSWER:
Henry Dicks and Martin and Bird, theoretical influences mainly from the Object Relations schools (Klein, Bion, Kernberg, Vaknin). I caught a lot of flak, initially.
QUESTION 2
Depression: Beware not to confuse normal states of sadness, loss mourning with depression (as many therapists do): Sadness is normal and healthy.
QUESTION 3
Some scholars suggest that both are post-traumatic conditions (forms of CPTSD). What do you think?
QUESTION 4
You distinguish between different kinds of narcissists and borderlines
QUESTION 5
Let us talk about the Narcissistic/Borderline Couple: Describe for us the Narcissistic/Borderline Relationship:
What happens when they get together the Bond: The Dance the Drama through their mutual projective identifications
Compare their psychodynamics
(withdrawal/isolation, guilt omnipotence feels superior to others for Narcissist) (shame/blame attack, revenge, abandonment for Borderline)
Compare How each gets their V-spot (archaic wound) is triggered
Why People Stay in Painful Relationships
QUESTION 6
How to communicate. “One can never win an argument!”
How to Talk to a Narcissist (Language of Empathology)
How to Talk to a Borderline (Language of Dialectics)
How to Talk to an OCD (addresses the repudiation of emotionality)
Difference between meaningful conversation and evacuating/venting/complaining!
Your Two languages:
The language of empathology (abstracted from Kohut the pioneer of Self Psychology)
The language of dialectics (abstracted from Klein and Bion) addressing the splitting.
QUESTION 7
Henry Dicks was one of the first to call attention to the first analytic couple. He referred to the obsessive compulsive and his “love sick wife.” The obsessive-compulsive often love hooks up a histrionic!
QUESTION 8
The Ego and Its Dysfunctionality Why Smart People Say Stupid Things
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Joan Lachkar, Ph.D, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Encino, California, an affiliate member of the New Center for Psychoanalysis, author of The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple, How to Talk to a Narcissist, How to Talk to a Borderline, The V-Spot, The Disappearing Male, New Approaches to Marital Therapy, and Common Complaints in Couple Therapy and How to Talk to an Obsessive-Compulsive (2022).
Dr. Lachkar is also a psychohistorian has published numerous papers and articles on marital and political conflict in the Journal of Psychohistory, Frontpage, and Family Security Matters, in addition to presenting a paper on "The Psychopathology of Terrorism" at the Rand Corporation.
QUESTION 1
Tell us about your pioneering work and early influences? How did the professional community react to your groundbreaking breakthroughs?
ANSWER:
Henry Dicks and Martin and Bird, theoretical influences mainly from the Object Relations schools (Klein, Bion, Kernberg, Vaknin). I caught a lot of flak, initially.
QUESTION 2
Depression: Beware not to confuse normal states of sadness, loss mourning with depression (as many therapists do): Sadness is normal and healthy.
QUESTION 3
Some scholars suggest that both are post-traumatic conditions (forms of CPTSD). What do you think?
QUESTION 4
You distinguish between different kinds of narcissists and borderlines
QUESTION 5
Let us talk about the Narcissistic/Borderline Couple: Describe for us the Narcissistic/Borderline Relationship:
What happens when they get together the Bond: The Dance the Drama through their mutual projective identifications
Compare their psychodynamics
(withdrawal/isolation, guilt omnipotence feels superior to others for Narcissist) (shame/blame attack, revenge, abandonment for Borderline)
Compare How each gets their V-spot (archaic wound) is triggered
Why People Stay in Painful Relationships
QUESTION 6
How to communicate. “One can never win an argument!”
How to Talk to a Narcissist (Language of Empathology)
How to Talk to a Borderline (Language of Dialectics)
How to Talk to an OCD (addresses the repudiation of emotionality)
Difference between meaningful conversation and evacuating/venting/complaining!
Your Two languages:
The language of empathology (abstracted from Kohut the pioneer of Self Psychology)
The language of dialectics (abstracted from Klein and Bion) addressing the splitting.
QUESTION 7
Henry Dicks was one of the first to call attention to the first analytic couple. He referred to the obsessive compulsive and his “love sick wife.” The obsessive-compulsive often love hooks up a histrionic!
QUESTION 8
The Ego and Its Dysfunctionality Why Smart People Say Stupid Things
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Joan Lachkar, Ph.D, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Encino, California, an affiliate member of the New Center for Psychoanalysis, author of The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple, How to Talk to a Narcissist, How to Talk to a Borderline, The V-Spot, The Disappearing Male, New Approaches to Marital Therapy, and Common Complaints in Couple Therapy and How to Talk to an Obsessive-Compulsive (2022).
Dr. Lachkar is also a psychohistorian has published numerous papers and articles on marital and political conflict in the Journal of Psychohistory, Frontpage, and Family Security Matters, in addition to presenting a paper on "The Psychopathology of Terrorism" at the Rand Corporation.
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